How to Support a Loved One Who is Grieving

Grief can feel like uncharted territory—not just for the person experiencing it, but for the people who love them. If someone close to you is grieving, you might be wondering what to say, what not to say, and how to actually help.

How can we support a loved one?

At Coronado Wellness, we believe support is one of the most healing forces we can offer each other. Here's how you can show up for someone in grief—with grace, love, and a little guidance.

1. Just Be There (Seriously, That’s Enough)

You don’t need magic words. You don’t need to fix anything. Your steady, compassionate presence matters more than anything you could say.

• Sit with them in silence.

• Let them cry (or not cry).

• Let them talk (or not talk).

The goal isn’t to cheer them up. It’s to be someone who can bear witness without flinching. According to the American Psychological Association, emotional presence and validation are critical elements of healthy grieving.

2. Say This, Not That

Grief is tender. Even well-meaning comments can sting. Here are some gentle do's and don’ts:

• Instead of: "Everything happens for a reason.

• Try: "I can’t imagine how hard this is. I’m here with you."

• Instead of: "They’re in a better place.

• Try: "You must miss them deeply."

• Instead of: "Let me know if you need anything.

• Try: "Can I bring you dinner tomorrow night?"

A warm embrace provides comfort in sorrowful times, conveying more than words ever could.

Here’s why that last example matters: platitudes and open-ended offers, while well-intentioned, put the burden of asking back on the person who is grieving. They may not have the energy or clarity to figure out what they need, let alone articulate it. By offering something specific and tangible—like delivering dinner, picking up groceries, or walking their dog—you remove decision fatigue and show up in a truly helpful way.

Support in grief isn’t about steering someone toward the bright side or helping them find silver linings. It’s about stepping into the hard moment with them, sharing the weight in ways both emotional and practical. You can’t take away the pain, but you can hold some of the burden. And that holding, that soft presence, often does more than any well-meaning pep talk ever could.

Grief researchers like Dr. David Kessler remind us that acknowledgment of pain is more healing than positivity, and that concrete acts of care often speak louder than comforting words alone.

3. Support Their Healing Process (Not Your Timeline)

Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Don’t expect your loved one to “move on” or “get back to normal” after a certain time. Offer consistent care—a text weeks later still matters. Celebrate progress without pressuring it. Let them lead the way. Research published in Omega: Journal of Death and Dying shows that continued social support over time reduces complicated grief symptoms and loneliness.

4. Encourage (but Don’t Push) Professional Help

If grief is turning into deep depression, anxiety, or is affecting daily functioning, gently suggest support. Coronado Wellness offers:

• Grief-focused therapy

• EMDR for traumatic loss

• Medication management for complex grief or depression

• TMS therapy for treatment-resistant depression

Frame it as empowerment, not correction: "You deserve support as you move through this."

5. Be a Long-Haul Friend

Grief can be lonely, especially after the casseroles stop coming. Mark their calendar for tough dates—birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. A simple message on those days says, "I haven’t forgotten. I’m still here." Supporting the grieving doesn’t require perfection—just presence, patience, and kindness. If someone you love is navigating loss, you can be a powerful part of their healing. And if you or your loved one needs more support, Coronado Wellness is here. Helping someone grieve doesn’t mean doing it alone.

Sources: American Psychological Association; David Kessler, Grief.com; Omega Journal of Death and Dying, Vol. 83, 2021